Of late, I have been facing a problem that every person who still has a parent experiences at one or another. However much we grow up, our parents will never see that. We are forever toddlers before their eyes. They will still use pet names that you hate despite repeated appeals that they don’t. I remember that Movie scene featuring Steve Martin and Kimberly Williams in ‘Father of the Bride’ where the daughter says; “Dad, I am getting married.” And all he sees is the younger version of her. That was the best part of the movie and as children it was just hilarious with no significance but now I get it.
We see our parents in the same way; as immortal and immobilized. You never see how the years are having a toil under their eyes creating heavy bags or the wrinkling skin that is hard to look at. Those same hands that used to be soft on your forehead when they were checking your body temperature become hard. This is the part you did not anticipate. You have looked into your future, saw your partner, career growth and your house. But how come in your future your parent remains the same?
When you add a year to your many years (I don’t think anyone ever gets the hangover of growing up), you assume you are the only one growing up and not them. You have to notice this because of the life cycle. You are in kindergarten at one time, Pre University then college and the next thing you are thinking career and partner. God should have ensured at least the parent remains ‘intact’ physically. I guess this appeals to those who adore the beings that brought them into this world or those that they consider as parents. If you hate your parent, I will not cater for you today. Let us meet up later and we try to understand how a parent can mess you up.
March 2018, you have a sick parent. Age has brought with it colds, broken backs, fibroids, that C-disease, sinuses, swelling legs, the list can go on and on. The issue at hand is not the healthy issues above, it is how you deal with it. You are used to a system were a parent takes care of you but now you have to return the favor. It is expected by the way. The moment a parent is sick, every person will have this question on their lips; does the patient have any children? Some people are specific, do they have a daughter? It reminds of one of the dictums of Manusmriti;
‘A woman should always remain obedient to her father in her childhood, to her husband when married and to her son in her old age. She does not deserve freedom.’
(Scrap out the last line. You know my stand on women’s rights.)
No one asks if you are ready for your new found role. You should have foreseen this. What if you do not want to see your parent like this? You want them to remain your heroines and heroes. You don’t want to see them at their worst when they are throwing up every little item that goes into their system. You don’t even want to see their nakedness that had been wrapped in all those garments for years. In sickness, doctors will strip them to pierce every vein, scan every area and touch the sacred parts that belong to your people. As children we were told that we would go blind if we ever caught a glimpse of our parent’s privates. Why is it okay if other people are in this state and it is harder for you to handle if it’s your own? Don’t say because of the emotional attachment. That is given. Point is, sometimes we detest the weak especially if they have been your foundation. We judge them harshly when they fall or in their hour of need. We assume they are always victors and strong beings, with no sin and do not make use of the potty. What happens when we see them broken down not by their accord but by the forces of nature? Does our love and regard for them change? Or the right thing to do is envelope them in love after cleaning them up? But don’t we know any better that you can only be victorious after a battle. We can’t hate the weak because they are us and we are them. Without them, there would be no us.
Truest Form 