Forget about the fear of animals, stage flight or any of those fears that come when that particular scenario is in your face. There are other major fears that come and stay. At the beginning, it is just a few simple leaves and grass. Then the a nest is built. They take up permanent residence in your head and later the full physical structure. Whenever the key word is uttered, you freeze. It starts with; ‘I will take away, you will not see them again, If you don’t behave, I will deny you.’
Your tormentors know which ropes to pull in order to turn you into a Muppet. If it is not others, it is your own mind that imprisons you. Keeping you in its cages as long as possible until you find the way out or become captive forever.
My fears stem from 2 things; being dependent and not working hard. Some people enjoy the pleasure of being ‘breastfed’ and demanding for everything they need from other people. On the other hand, I like working for whatever I need. If I desire anything, it should come my way because I have earned it through sweat, blood, long nights and rigorous team work.
Shonda Rhimes during the TEDx talk entitled ‘My year of saying yes to everything’ asked a great question; ‘I like working more than I like being at home. What kind of person likes working more than being at home?
At one point in my life, my greatest fear came to pass. I became dependent on my parents again. I was unemployed for so long. Even if the years are numbered in my head, it felt like eternity that is why you hear the word loooong. Those were the longest nights and days in my life. You see when you are working, the days fly by. One time you are in October and the next time you check the calendar its December second. You might have known that days were turning into night because at one point you had to bathe and change clothes. You would send out emails, make endless calls and write memos that are dated. You work on a timeline but still, you end up losing track of the days because you prefer working rather than staying home.
I used to think it was a sin. Which person indeed chooses working hard over family? The work gives you so much pleasure and purpose. I will not even try to justify what kinda of person this makes me. But I am glad that someone out there is like me. I have lived my fear of job loss, unemployment, dependence and losing my friends. One of those friends saw me on the road one time as she drove her red Nissan car. She pretended that she had not seen me.
Forget that crap that it makes you stronger. This reminds you that they were not your friends. You reminisce about the good old days and wish situations were reversed. No wonder I don’t see all my old friends any more. They hide in plain sight dodging my path as much as they can. Good thing the fear is gone. You can sleep easily well knowing that dependence and unemployment did not kill you despite years of fear that they will bury you. No one can use it against you anymore but the human is left with the question of who you have become. You used to think you was your fear. But now a new person emerges that you need to introduce yourself too.
That conversation goes like this;
Old YOU: ‘Is the coast clear?’
New YOU: ‘What coast?’
Old YOU: ‘You remember (starts to laugh) when you…'(Cut off)
New YOU: ‘Shut up. Don’t you know that we are not defined by our fears. That was you. Let me introduce you to the new you.
Hello. Have we met?’