Plot: Steal from the Grave

The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry our their dream.”
 Les Brown

I should add; ‘It has the angelic voices resting peaceful in the warm cozy 7ft. The athletes have found a home, writers, researchers and my favorite; the artists who have always found it difficult to fit in with the living. They find a final resting place where their art is not judged or ridiculed. Their creativity forever appreciated.’

That is where I come in with a suggestion. We should take back what has been stolen from earth. It’s not only the good clean air that has been depleted from mother earth but our people. When I was young I used to ask the question of why the people I love go away to heaven or the spiritual realm as many would prefer it. My mother had the same answer, “It is only the good ones that are taken. The evil people stick around because they can’t find the way back to goodness. They are too consumed with destroying what is left and fail to pay off their karma.” 

It seemed like a good reply at the time but every person who has lost a loved one wished that an evil one in the community could have been a better option to take away. Who decides who is good or not? The good ones still have a lot of love and goodness to share. Isn’t it what the world needs to heal?

The plot for this year

If the graves are taking, let us invent a way to get back what is ours. What is the whole point of taking what could be useful here? Forget about that crap that every person has a purpose in life. Let us create a list of those we want back; We can leave the ones that could not find their true identity to the grave. How about those who were in so much pain and the only alternative was Mr. Death…those can also stay put. Can’t take any one who has already suffered more than they deserve. The little angels can sleep peacefully. No one should bother them tonight.

  • Let’s bring to life those who found their purpose at the last minute. Those are keepers because they will get to work right away.

  • Mentors will always a table with the living.

  • Helpers who are always reaching out. But if they are up here, I don’t think they will be able to see clearly. By the way, what is it about earth that makes people’s vision impaired. They are distracted so much especially with little insignificant events.

Plot: Mode of extraction

I would have suggested a bus but I don’t think anyone who has been sleeping for all this time would want to find a bus waiting for them. Let’s go so fact. Train means business. Train means you can get on and refresh in the bathroom and take a few physicals before the next destination. I am forgetting the people who are going to extract our people from this man eater grave. Any volunteers?? The mind is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? You can go to the grave and come back. I am sure I have been to the moon, deep in the ocean and on the stars. True stories if I choose to bring them to life.

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Why We Never Let Things Be?

After being in the same industry for more than 10 years, you start craving. You feel empty and bored out of your mind. You go through the predictable every day. You know which people you are going to interact with or choose not to talk to. You can actually sleep walk through your day’s schedule. It affects the relationship with You and the people around you. You are confused and need to turn off this routine. For once in your life, You do not feel the need to control everything or plan ways of how to handle anything that might go wrong. Plan B is completely off the table.

You try to get those who are close to you to read the signs that everything is not okay. You keep sending inner thoughts and signals for them to read. They are also trying to deal with their lives but you hope somehow the connection with you is still strong. You start communicating in alphabets without actually telling them what is bothering you. Imagine the conversation;

Close friend: How are you doing?

Me: Am not complaining.

(There is the sign. I have already hinted that things are not good but I will not complain because there could be people in worse situations)

Previous Years

Friend: How are you?

Me: Hi dear? I have this fabulous project am working on that I would like to tell you about. It’s amazing. You know you can ……..

OR

Me: Can you imagine I was at the beach yesterday and there were lots of naked people. I should have left my clothes at home for this.

We hang on to this routine and make it our lives. We take long to let go because when we throw away want we know and what we are at that moment, we are left bare. From that point on wards, we need to take up new ambitions, ideas and roads to fill the void created. We are skeptical about letting go. I have never found anyone who is okay with letting go. Some people have built and fine tuned their poker faces so that their emotions cannot be read but believe me they feel the pain of letting go.

The question here was why we feel the need to be in control of every situation in our lives? Sometimes we formulate stories to please an audience that will never be satisfied. They want to know more and more about our lives. Many will tell a few white lies to keep up the appearance. Remember Mrs. Bucket in the British Sitcom ‘Keeping Up Appearances’. Some of my old friends have done that because their lives had hit the detour for years; no marriage, no children, no career….yes nothing new to report back after years of knowing them. Even when they came out of the worst circumstances in their lives, they still want to take control. It is true, Let go and be filled.

It is true, Let go and be filled. It sounds simple but It is one of the hardest mantras to deal with. When you google books about letting go, it’s like a whole carnival out there. From; Losing Control, Finding Serenity, Let it go, Perfect present, The Little Book of letting go, Letting go of the need to control, That’s Outside my Boat, Mad about everything, and so many others. You can open a book shop with only books about letting go. 

Let Go and Let God take the wheel. There is satisfaction driven from knowing that someone out in the universe is driving you around and filling you with lessons and new ideas.

Steve Jobs said it best; “You can‘t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.”

Let Go. I am not the only one preaching this because I have seen a number of spiritual leaders and psychologists talking about the power of letting go of the past, toxic relationships or baggage. You can only fill the closet with new shoes if you create room.

Horror Story Coming Alive

Dear Social Media,

I have not changed my profile picture for a while. I hope after reading this you will understand. I might be over reacting but when it comes to my privacy, someone needs to blow the roof off. I used to enjoy showing off my latest picture because I derived some satisfaction…Cross that, I derived great satisfaction from it. The only thing I was cautious about was updating my location. What harm is there if I change my profile and cover picture every now and then? But then something scary happened that you should know about.

The last I was this scared was when one perverted male in the building was keeping us awake. I don’t how he would always manage to weasel his way into the women’s premises. In the morning there were whispers and later stories from females complaining about small strange hands touching them at night. Small hands would feel the women’s bodies at night. What was scary was how patient he was because the residents slept late and at different intervals. Small hands would move his cold and small hands in 2 places. The thighs and boobs. In fact, he kept touching 2 women while they were in dreamland. At first, they thought they had been dreaming only to wake up and barely saw a shadow running out of the room. When one person shared the story, we all knew there was no way this was a dream. Some of the women took turns to stay awake waiting for the pervert. That is the time he would take a day off from his habit. A few days will pass by before he found his way to the females room. He was just lucky or very calculating. No arrests were made but someone was suspected. During his ‘break’, undergarments would disappear and appear in strange places. The panties would smell of something awful. Like someone had sweated on it, sniffed it a couple of times and folded it like a delicate robe. I completely stopped sleeping during the night. I became one of the brothers on the night watch. Looking out for danger lurking behind the walls. I became my sisters’ watcher. I found better ways of keeping awake. Watching movies, humming to my favorite songs, late night cooking, and tasting. Reading books somehow led to sleep. I didn’t catch the pervert but night time is a great time to catch up on so many things without distractions.

Lately, my horror movie has turned to this person or the act of this other individual. He has an entire album of all my posted profile pictures. Pictures I had forgotten over the years. Sometimes changing the profiles 2 times a month with the happiest smile in the world. These pictures have received their share of likes, love and wow’s. More likes meant being happy until the next post. It’s like an addiction that you feed on the high of your friends’ appreciation of the images. My postings are always innocent. I like the way I looked in the pictures, so I posted. My uploaded images are meant for my friends’ eyes only not public or my friends’ friends. This person is not my friend on Facebook but at least he managed to save the images that have a public setting from my timeline. By the way, I think its important to tell You at this moment that the person in question is not a stranger to me. We grew up in the same area, breathing the same air and shared friends. I had not seen him in a long time. When we met along the way, he asked how I had managed to get to a certain country that he wanted to go to. I explained in details then wondered how he knew I had been there. He said he had seen my pictures yet the picture in question didn’t have a landmark depicting said country. He showed me the picture but you know how the human mind works when you feel the need to swipe left and right on other people’s phones. I did. Viola!!!

But why did he have all my pictures? Someone reading this might be wondering, If I know/knew this person and they have my pictures, why would it bother me?

I admire my friends’ pictures because of the locations where they were taken or the angle used or the food they were eating. Some times due to the crazy things they are doing in the image but never download them. I need their permission If I am going to have all of them on my phone. Horror is when you realize the privacy you crave is not there because you have given leeway for your memories to go into someone else’s fantasy. While I knew I had signed off my rights to the social network, I still can’t believe I will stay up due to one individual. Just imagine another stranger out there downloading one picture after another. It has happened to people and they find someone has created a fake new account with the same image they have on their real account. Probably I will post trees and more flowers because they are safer. For now, I will use the profile picture I have for as long as I can get away with it or until I feel safe again on my page. Please, Social Media do not tempt me with notifications of how long I have taken without updating my picture or status. Still internalizing and blowing off steam due to the aftermath of my indulgence on social media.

So let me overreact. Here is to connecting with you forever.

From

Shocked client.

Do People Ever Notice When they are Losing You?

By the time you see the steam from the boiling kettle, it means the tea has been simmering for a while.

The double-edged sword of experience has so far been right about human nature. Sometimes everything is bang-up with people around us and other times not so rosy. We rely on humans around us for their judgment and acceptance of who we are. This support system is meant to empower and offer a foundation that evolves the best version of ourselves. This change guarantees better growth not only for us but the people we let into your circle. It takes courage to let these people in, well aware of the baggage they carry while you are also dealing with yours. But they must be in place in order for you to grow or to move forward.

Every single day, you give yourself permission to love, live or even build a relationship with thyself while also leaving rooms for other people in your life. While you choose to love yourself unconditionally, that does not mean the other people will make it easier for you to love them. Once in a while, friction is needed to analyze and help the relationship grow. When this friction starts, are the parties involved aware that they are losing you one minute of every hour?

You start with one toe at the time and by the time you realize the whole body is out of the day, is a year later. It’s only when the relationship reaches its expiry date that many couples have asked themselves several times when it happened? When did their spouses stop loving them? Where were they when all of this went down the drain? One of them did not even realize that the other party had already left the relationship despite the fact that they were still sharing a bed. Where are people when the signs are right in front of them that are leaving something that is supposed to be valuable to them? It’s like getting lost in broad day light and every witness will have the same submission; ‘But she was just right here. I saw her a few minutes ago. She was saying something about….Oh was it the travelling or trailer or trains.’

The thing about losing you is, that they will not remember the last thing they said to you. They will go back to the memory box and find no information available forever. It is like your entire existence was wiped which might be a good thing if you do not wish to return. But if you wanted to be remembered by this person who you spent a decade with? Will it hurt that it will not matter to them once you are gone? Then you remember what Louise Fitzhugh once said; ‘Sometimes you have to lie. But to yourself, you must always tell the truth.’ You had to leave because you could not lie to the person who was there for you always. You.

When you are gone, you will blame everything on them. Maybe if you had chosen to communicate in the language they understand, would it have turned out differently? Just sending out vibes was not enough to communicate to them, both parties needed to find the ‘we’ that had been there before. Don’t forget that most times it is not about You. You are nothing without We.

Best Advice I Ever Received

Of late, I have been thinking about advice. How we give it and how we receive it. I have given advice to a lot of people who have met me on my life journey and most of it has been about staying it out when you feel like giving up. I have used some of the stories in my life to show them how patience works out in the end but at the same time being aware of timing for anything. Opportunities missed can never be regained.

Luckily enough, I have been able to receive my advice from mainly literature. The wisdom that comes from books is rattling. I don’t know who said this; ‘If you want to hide anything just put in books.’ That is where all our best friends, psychologists, guardian angels are concealing their identities in broad day public libraries.

While reading about all the best advice people in the world have ever received, you borrow some of it and make it your mantra. Advice like;

  • Believe in yourself
  • Stick to your guts
  • You are Enough
  • Everything happens for a reason
  • Be Clear about your intention and the universe will meet you wherever you are

the best advice I have ever received came from a male friend. It was not about being strong or trusting in the journey, it was about keeping my legs together. This should have come from my mother or aunt but it was from a boy. He said however smart, strong and courageous as you might be, make sure you have the will power to keep those legs together. It was hilarious at first but as I grew older, I realized he was right. If I didn’t have the will power, I would not be able to build my dreams. His point was not about getting pregnant but about waiting for the right fish, moment, knowing what I want and valuing my life. If I understood the worth of one part of the body, it would mean I could take care of the needs of other parts. Would I advise another person to keep their legs together? Maybe. Who am I to get into other people’s way of living if they choose to do whatever they want with their bodies? I wouldn’t want to be sued for forcing ideas on to others. Live large and enjoy the consequences.

My TED Talks

I have probably watched the Ted x talks more than anyone I know. At first, it was because of the catchy topics but after two minutes of the preview, I got hooked on inspiration. The thing I find fascinating about the talk is the sharing. I always listen, relate and learn different issues that are being presented. Once in a while, a quote gets stuck in my head and stimulates my mind especially when am down. By the way, I always go for quotes when am sad because there is something about wisdom that lifts and shakes away the cobwebs that choose to build up so fast in the head once you let it.

The talk gives me a new perspective and strength when I need it the most. I remember the first time I saw the event, I was particularly disturbed for months thinking if I was ever called to be part of the talk, what would I talk about. A lot of ideas had already found their way to the discourse. Topics like; Shit happens, Sexuality, Trust the Struggle, Change Your channel, Re imagining your PhD and others. All my topics were taken and I had to figure out what I would passionately talk about. Then it occurred to me that there was something I knew that other people would like to hear about. I decided to focus on something that has almost repealed me apart but at the same time given me the strength and courage to grow. The lessons have been difficult and had to over come but made me a better version of myself. So, If I was given an opportunity to be at Ted x talk, my topic will be personal and closer to heart in hope that someone out there will be inspired by this person who has found capability and bravery in other people’s story. My topic will be;

When you don’t know what to do.

We all hate it when we are unsure of what to do. Every person has been through this. I guess it is much harder for people who are so sure of life. You are sure of your career, life partner and future. I have met people who will tell you the exact day, place and year they will get married and even have kids. What happens when one day your plans don’t go as planned? Do you go back to the drawing board? What if you are already past the drawing board and you have already seen yourself on the moon? Is it even possible to rethink your way back to biggest dreams that you had hoped to come true? Just imagine the confusion of trying the roads you have already been on. The original ideas have gone from your head or is it that they are deeply buried in your brain that it takes longer to get them back and you have no patience for that? How can something that was there get lost in the maze and you cannot find the map out of it? Beats me. No wonder we are always told to save our energy for bigger battles in life. They never tell you that the biggest conflict will be with yourself. You fight with someone who already knows your weaknesses and strengths. Your inner turmoils and flaws.

So what do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Oprah says; Be Still.

I tried it and I opened a can of worms that I had been saving for a holiday. That is when the brain will bring forth all the bad memories that you had chosen to keep in the safe. That reminds me of that episode of ‘Will and Grace’ where the characters of Karen Walker and Will Truman had imaginarily opened the baggage boxes they had locked away for years. After the process, She was not the same person because of the skeletons that were now crawling out.

Not knowing what to do is the step in the right direction. The ‘I don’t know’ moment gives you time to process your priorities and get you back on your destiny. Growing up has never been easy. While it breathes life into you, it also takes away a piece of you. No wonder it is said that; the snake only shades its skin because we only become who were truly meant to be over the years by removing and polishing a piece of what was supposed to be there.

Growing takes courage and strength. Something that comes from patience, miseducation and mistakes. We go through the unsure period to find our way back to where we all started but this time on a strong foundation. I guess that is why it is called growing up. No short cuts. No bull shirts. We get 3 trials for every test we fail in life but when someone says have fun in the process, you never see it there. There is no fun in waiting and detours if you never get to understand why it is happening. Every person needs kindness and saving. Those who say they do not need it, no one has ever been kind to them hence require saving.

As Ellen Degenerous says; Be kind to one another.

As we try to save others, we are also saving ourselves. Thank You.

Correlation between Scarves and Women

Seated on a bus, clad between a Grey thinning haired man and a young man with tight blue jeans and red shirt, I started to feel uneasy even if the old man around. The young man would not stop staring at the top of my blouse and more so my bosom. I remember it had taken me one hour to find the right clothes for this journey. In the beginning, he would move his eyes from my shoes to the last tip of my hair and I thought the sweep through was done.

Next, on the menu, Ladies and gentlemen: the staring close up. Who knew that time could move so slow. I would stare at him too but he wouldn’t barge. He has been practising this longer than I have. The social etiquette was not on my side today. I felt completely naked even when I held my hands to my chest. This boy gave me a big smile like whatever you are trying to cover, I have already fed my memory enough to last me for a year.

Voyeurism is one of the biggest problem faced by women in Asia, more so India. Men will look at women and girls with complete admiration for more than two hours. You always get a feeling at the back of your mind that there is something wrong. They peep through windows, doors, key holes looking for nudity opportunities. I was the kind of person who would throw on any blouse and my bra but now I need more undergarments to cover up any area that is trying to protrude. I can’t show off what my mother gave me because I never know who will be watching me any moment. I once had a conversation with my lecturer about this voyeurism and the only answer I got was, that the natives are just curious. But they make me feel naked whatever I try to dress my body in, they will always undress me with their eyes. I started an experiment with my dress code; If I went out of my house and the neighbour was not looking at me in a weird way, that cloth would stay in my closet. Tight clothes, jeans and small blouses all out.

Just like this young man, the behaviour starts early and continues to childhood. The voyeurism does not end with the obsession to the female physical structure but to other activities that have led to Indian’s daughter being violated. By the way,  this story is the reason why my closet is full of scarves and veils. I need to survive to see another day in my country. I  have found means of avoiding such attention because I know the police will tell me, It was my fault because I wore flattering clothes. You don’t want stares and people following you home in the broad day. Believe me, I know how scared you will be for the rest of your life. You will keep checking the doors and windows several times in the night in order to get some safety.