Falling for the same person through Centuries

Ever heard of the statement that God gives us the same test three times to see whether we have learned something from our previous encounters. I think it is the same thing with relationships. Some people are lucky enough to have one person they fall in love with and stay with forever. Others are luckier because they get to experience the same person in the different people they meet.

Most times you don’t need to use an algorithm or visit a foreteller to know the next person you will be dating. It is a given because we all have a type. That even if you are living in Antarctica or sunny Mauritius, you will find the same person waiting for you. It is not so much about their physic but the characters, habits and their profession. The pattern is already laid down by you at the beginning. Even when you crave something else, you will still come back to the same brand. That assurance that girlfriends get that you will never date your girlfriend’s boyfriend or ex. There is no connection at all.

You date the same person through the centuries. I am talking about déjà vu where you meet someone new and you have a feeling you have already been with them. You will get a chill down your spine because the recipe is the same. Even when you are given a chance to go back in time, you pick them again and again. When you try to switch to other cuisines, somehow the universe still brings you to the aforementioned people. You fight as much as possible to get those said multitudes out of your system but what you don’t like, you attract more of it until you learn the right way of attraction. The connection does not go away.

There is no magic to it. It is what you want. And what you want, you attract. You might say I never want to see that human being again because he broke my heart but later you are with someone who has similar interests like your ex. I have been there and all of a sudden, I know what the new love is going to do because the study has already been carried out. The results show that the variables are compatible and even when tested in a different environment, the results will be the same.

The question here is; What do you do when you realize that the symptoms and test trials are producing the same results even at a later stage? You have the following options;

  1. Change your channel to a new frequency
  2. Get rid of subject
  3. Hit emergency brakes if you meet the same individual in others.
  4. Research on other subjects that might work
  5. Involve other ‘scientists’ to help in understanding the subject
  6. Put it on paper and ensure it becomes a theory
  7. Put the subject under the heat to see how they behave
  8. Stimulate your senses to see other colors
  9. Study self; A friend told me yesterday; “If you date more than 2 persons and they leave you within a period of 3 months, Just know the problem is YOU. Study what is causing these people to go. The answer lies with you.” It sounds like crap but it does not cost you anything to discover new things about you.
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Question of Originality

While in Dubai International airport, I picked up lots of books and in the end I had a book by Adam Grant titled ‘Originals.’ I make it a habit to get a book at every terminal that I go through. It started as a way of keeping track of all the places where my ‘get up and go’ had been. After the purchase, I write down on whatever page I want the name of the terminal, country and date when the book was bought. I used to gift my friends this way. back to the book, I bought.

I think what brought me to this book was a long process. All this time, I was thinking about an original idea. The more I thought about this new and interesting idea, my day wound up with nothing. I became confused. I could not even tell anyone how the road to originality was slow and painful. Whatever thesis idea popped in my head, it would be discarded within an hour. I wanted to have the best thesis and ideas the world has ever seen. As the law of attraction indicates Like attracts like. Thoughts are very powerful and somehow I manifested my need and SOS for where to start. My subconscious connected me with the book about Originals. Or was it its cover image that reminded of Google and how I could search for all my answers.

Enough with the mention of the book, find it, read it with patience and let the author know whether it made a difference in your life. I know it changed mine. Why? I am a starter. I like moving and shaking things up because I tend to get bored easily when I am in a routine. I like when I am the first to do things. The one who brings change in any community. I like the idea of liberty and varying expression. Human beings are rational beings and are capable of deciding what is good for them. That is what I follow. Give me the liberty to think, recreate and change the setup of something that is not working. If it is working, still we can improve on it. I hate mediocrity. We can always do better. How do we do that?

  • By shaking our brains, removing the cobwebs and

  • Ensuring that sometimes we have our heads upside down to see the other side of the coin.

But we have to remember, there is always a price for any starter. I have been there and I don’t like the frustrations that make me pace to warm up my brain. That is when my family starts worrying. They know I am cooking something but the heat is taking longer to steam or boil the brain. They know the brain is on pause mode and we need to press play or restart. They cannot help because they do not know what I want and I also cannot express it in words. It is like reaching out your fingers to pull something but it is not willing to come to you. So as Adam Grant’s book inspires the readers to make change happen, champion originality and encourage others to think differently, May the great ideas flow abundantly and materialize into something great.

My only worry is how original are my ideas? I get my inspiration from existing literature making me fearful whether I should term that as original. But as my friend says so often, that our own light does not diminish when we light other people’s candles. Let me use the candles that were used before to find my way in the dark. I promise to leave my candle somewhere in public where all can access it from all areas of the world.

She Can’t Do That

I know her she will never do that.

She is not capable of that.

I know my wife, she cannot do anything even if she caught me cheating.

That one will never even lift a finger even if I did this or that.

I don’t know the number of times I have heard my male friends saying this. Come to think of it, even the males in most communities I have been in. They have already categorized the females in their lives to be docile and non-reactive. They don’t see anything changing in the habits and routine of the women. What happened to these women? They were not like this. There were blooming flowers that danced in the rain and sun. They had colour and vigour. These women used to run the world. They knew what they wanted and how to get it. But somewhere on the road to destiny, they took a detour and never found their way back.

Last week, one of our friends was describing how a python almost killed a young woman when it coiled and squeezed the life out of her. She was saved by a neighbour who was going in the same direction and managed to make an alarm that brought many to her rescue. While listening to the story, all the men were asking lots of questions. Among the things they said that has not left my memory was;

‘It was because she was a woman that is why she could not use her arms to fight or use her lips to call out for help. If it was a man, the python would not have coiled around him.”

I made my response known right away. There were not the victims hence could never predict what their response would have been. The tremor and fear that the young lady went through at that moment might have made her speechless. Or it could have been the snake poison which made her immobile. But they insisted it was because she was a woman that is why she was an easy target. I could not change this argument in any direction because of their preconceived notion about women capabilities.

When statements that demean, dis-empower and paint women like weaker sex are made in my presence, I always educate my fellow homo sapiens about the impact of such words on their women and children. I have to pull out all the information I have been acquiring over the years. First I go philosophical with Simon De Beauvoir’s argument: ‘One is not born but rather made a woman.’ Next, I turn religious; ‘Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.’

Their reaction: ‘The feminist comes out to play.’

I don’t know when educating people about women made one a feminist. I don’t think that is who I am. I happen to have information at hand and I will not hesitate to use it to save mankind or thyself. I educate and eradicate perceptions that will be passed to the next generation.

Nigerian Poet Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie talks about how women are told to have ambition but not too much because they will chase away potential grooms. These are the same men who tell me, time again that women can never do anything. Heroes are born every day by women.

The argument goes on for minutes while I am being called all names. Sometimes I win. Other times, they conclude the whole issue by saying ‘So you are the educated one? You think you studied so much that now you can educate us about the women in our beds.’ That is the moment I start evaluating my company. I love the diversity of the people I keep but sometimes they wear me out. This type of company can never change his views for something liberal. Next time one of them will start teasing and calling me names related to women who choose to stand out like ‘who wear trousers’.

My reaction is always the same. Throw in a word and hope it will change a bit of his thinking. I tell them; instead of saying;

‘We don’t understand women.’

They should start saying; ‘ I am learning what women want.’

This creates an argument of who understands women. Do the men understand women more or women understand their complexities better? They want to go shopping for 5 hours and yet end up with that first green dress they set their eyes on in the first 10 minutes. This creates a dilemma. You said she will never do that; meaning you know her like the back of your hands. Then you are telling me they are complex. Make up your mind boys.

Eating with the sinners & bedding Presidents

Why did Jesus eat with the sinners? I guess it is the same reason I hang out with those that no one ever pays attention to unless if they need their money or services. I find them good company and they have extra Extra(Emphasis on that) ordinary stories. These are the kinda of women who will tell you stories of their numerous encounters with police and immigration officers and in the end, they were released. The fear of being in confined places has long gone out of the window. They have taken their business to the international level. They no longer trade in local currency. That was when they were still naive and were not able to understand their market value.

I might sound like I uphold their trade in high esteem, which I do. I applaud these women because they are abiding citizens of the society, taxpayers and bring in foreign exchange. Isn’t that what the government is looking for? Nationals who contribute to the economy and sustain households. I admire their resilience when it comes to the challenges they face. I say go, girls because they have managed to empower themselves through their activities. Many scorn them for obvious reasons but who has given them the audience to know who they are and their great secrets? Stones are being thrown like the rest of us do not sin in the light. They hold secrets of world leaders. If you are in bed with national leaders, you become a national treasure. You understand national security or how to get through the back doors. By the way, how does one get into the president’s bed? I need to research and write that book before someone else steals my idea. I would love that as my next title.

I have listened to stories of being smuggled into hard to penetrate countries using private planes, construction cars, containers, going below and above wire meshes. A movie scene would be magnificent. I am already on the storyboard; No suitcase, no passport, just the clothes on her body moving like a snake across border lines while watching out for the border police.

How about a story of their time in jail? Waiting, imagining the hours left to go to court or when will they see their families again. I wonder about their scarred bodies if they die out in the desert or killed at border points, where do their bodies end up? Most of them have no identification and only wait to make a name for themselves in whatever country they land in.

They don’t carry the horror stories in their eyes. Their past is in their heart that is why it is tightly shut. Keys thrown away. They have perfected the art of secrecy, posture, marketing, serenity when it is required and have an honorary degree in public relations. I am always blown away by people who can do things I can never do or try. They live by a code that allows them to manipulate and penetrate all regions. I never get in trouble for hanging out with them because it is once in a while. I use that time to ask all the questions…yeah all the questions that other people would love to ask. It is a service that I have taken on to ensure that those nosy individuals in society understand how, why, where, when and what the trade is. It is the oldest trade in the world, the rest of the information keeps my mind wondering if the mentioned friends understand how rare they are.

Whenever I chance upon ‘my friends’, I let someone in my family know what I am doing. Most times they don’t care. They just send a text, Be careful yet I want to tell them the juicy bits before my memory chooses to destroy some of that data.

These are the masters of all trades because they deal with different men from all walks of life. I had the pleasure of attending women studies sessions at the university, which opened up my eyes and heart to aspects of the female world. Our lecturer asked a question one time, a question that helped me to be more curious and observant.

Where do you think all the men go when their women deny them sex.”

Our answer was; “Other women in society.”

BE specific,” she said. “Which Women? The sex workers, the transgenders and other minorities.”

Some communities have acknowledged and embraced this for what it is while others push the most amazing stories of these women under the society’s rugs. But you can not hide something that is already breathing and surviving in the broad-day light.

They have been used as spies, contractors, mercenaries and part of tourist attractions. They have survived pimps, cracks, beasts and evil beings. The only thing left for them is; to survive, develop and keep all the secrets of their past intact. If I am privy to some information, I might as well enjoy it.

What people mean when they say you have changed?

You have heard it too? Same here. I have probably heard this statement countless of times from friends and family. It’s okay if it is coming from the people in the community who have seen you grow taller, plump or wiser. Awkward if it’s from the people close to you. The hardest part of this changing is how to react to it.

If I don’t feel the change in my physique or witness the changes. All this time, I thought I had reached a point where my body was not betraying me anymore. It was safe to say that everything was where it was supposed to stop and not succumb to gravitation forces. There is no such thing has rude, poor or polite response, Give them your best;

  • ‘Really??’ (While turning around and blushing off)
  • ‘Seriously….I don’t feel different.’
  • Smiling politely because this is the easiest way ever invented by God or someone out there to get out of trouble or scrutiny.

What we always forget is that it is very difficult to brush off that remark. You look in the mirror for any visible signs of maturity or ask your peers whether you have changed. But that is always the wrong category to ask such…Birds of the same feather, flock together. They can never say you have gained weight because chances are, your weight and size is the same as all the people in your circle. I sat down and decided to come up with the appropriate response to my people.

Family
Family comes first. That is why you need to be a little nicer to them when the only thing on their lips is; ‘You have grown up.’  This is done in the way that they turn you around, touch your hair and actually make you catwalk in the little space they have left for you in their embrace. It’s part of the family routine. It is all love and necessary attention. It is expected. If you don’t get that question at all, your family members are scared of the consequences of the words ‘you have changed.’ They are scared that you are already at the edge and will just flip. Perfect response; Smile and wave it off. In this scenario, I am imagining the penguins of Madagascar saying, ‘Just smile and wave boys, Smile and wave.

From friends

Slap them really hard. Why are they asking for the change yet they have been there with you during the transition. Real friends do not notice you have changed unless if the wave has hit your connection. The question comes from frenemies. Ask them instead what is it about them that made you change? Is it the fact that you are not their my pet anymore?
Maybe your relationship worked better when you were still making them the centre of your being.

Others

Its none of their business. Let them conform to the new YOU.

Sad Eyes

Whenever I meet people I look into their eyes to see what story is held within. Some have these puppy eyes that are also synonymous with sponge Bob when he is asking for something. Those eyes that request you to give the whole world to one person. I love those eyes especially when they sparkle and give you hope. They bring the sun and rainbow over the entire world.

Then there those other eyes. I recognize them because I have seen them in my older pictures. By the time I took these images I didn’t know I was miserable. Those eyes so pronounced that you could not the huge misery in them. My question at this moment is always; How did I miss that? Because the camera could tell it like it is.

Next question: Why didn’t the people close to me tell me about this?

So I become conscious about these eyes but the more you avoid something, the more likely it will become part of you. Remember; What you think about the most is what you attract in your life. Oh, How misery loves company. I could see those eyes in the people around me and in me. I could not get rid of them. Every picture told of my inner turmoil. But I felt fine, Healthy wise I was well hoping to live a long and fruitful life making memories every single day. But that was not enough for the images I took. I smiled, fake smiled; you know what they say, fake it until you make it. I was going to fake smile until the happiness found its way to the outside.

Solution:

I did what I love. My list always had yoga, trying new food, going new places, meeting new people especially ordinary people because they are fun and extraordinary. They have Superman powers to do what you cannot do. They teach you to smile through the pain. Their smiles are genuine. They don’t need to fake a smile. If they don’t want to smile for you, they will ask why they need to should smile. If they smile, it’s because they want too and love it.

Solution for All:

It’s not enough to give your smile to someone who doesn’t have one. They will drain it if you don’t show them the source of the smiles and happiness. It’s like giving someone fish every single moment and you don’t show them how to fish. Let’s go back to the basics. Don’t make them your dependents for happiness, let them reach the source so they can bring you some love and happiness especially in those moments when your smile bank is empty.

Don’t forget to smile, it makes the world better. It heals it’s scars and kisses it better.

 

 

When Kids are so Mean

10 year-old: ‘Is this laptop yours?’

Me: ‘Of Course.’

10 year-old: ‘I am surprised’

Me: “Hmmm. Why?’

The 10 year-old smiles and I can see his lips burning up with the reply. Then he states; ‘The first time I saw you, you looked poor. I was very sure You could not afford anything more less a laptop.’

I smile and I don’t even look at this child anymore. I continue to type away on my laptop and ignore this child. I can never blame a child for their innocence or ignorance. Forget about Kids say the darndest things, this is a child being blunt or mean. Sometimes children are just being kids but the words that come out of their mouth…improbable. Their utterances are most times guiltless and intentional or not, they hurt deeply.

He stops looking at the laptop and holds the phones on my table. I have this phone that has become part and parcel of my being. If you see it anywhere, just know I am around. The screen is broken, the yellow cover has seen better days but it still holds my memories and it has been to 3 continents. That gets it into the monumental hall of my country. The 10 year-old is more curious about the 5 year-old yellow monumental phone. He turns it around looks it a little bit more. A few minutes before, his parent had just asked me to use it because his phone was having issues. He had watched as this magnificent electronic equipment had helped his father make important calls that ensured they got the mobile money that could be turned into fuel for the family vehicle.

10 year-old: ‘I am going to get an iPhone. Not these cheap phones that you have here.’

Me: ‘How sure are you that your Papa is going to get you that phone? You should deserve these things you request for.’

At this point, I feel sorry for him. I have never received any phone from my parents. I got my first phone when I received my first salary. Of course I am lying. I got my Ericson from a boy who liked me. He expected me to pick up his calls every time he called which was impossible. So I gave it back and I kept my sim card. That is a story for another day. Back to 10 year-old; I should have told him how I earned my first phone. That’s another lesson for him too.

He continued: ‘I am going to go to Dubai.’

Me: ‘Is you dad taking you?’

Boy: ‘My uncle is a pilot in Abu Dhabi. He will take me to Dubai.’

In reply, I decided to speak his language. I opened my folders on the phone, I started to show him my memories of Dubai and Abu Dhabi because as a traveller you need to show and not tell people you want to see the world. You go to these locations and take lots of pictures using your phone or anybody who is with you. The point is get there, have proof of the traveling.

‘Show off (as he covers his face)… show off. You want me to be jealous of you,’ he yelled.

Me: ‘You can never be jealous of an adult because we can afford to travel and attain certain things in life. If you are jealous, it is wasted.’

He does not give up that easily and a few minutes later; ‘You need to pay me for wasting my time. I have been here for a while and you have not helped me with my homework.’

Me:’ I think you should pay me first because I have just taught you your first life lessons.’

Him: ‘Whaattt?’

Me: ‘I have just given you one of the most important life lesson. People will always waste your time. Remember to be stingy with your time from now on and use it wisely.’

I saw that he didn’t get it because he continued with his ‘pay me, pay me’ song. It was irritating in a way and I ended by on a video call with one of my friends. I told her what was happening and she jokingly asked;

‘Why are you fighting with the boy?’

That is when I realized that as an adult, I should not be involved in an altercation with any young person. You never win such wars. Be an adult and sort this behavior before it ruins someone else’s day. This boy had pushed me into a corner where it meant that whatever angle I used, I was going to lose because who starts an exchange with a 10-year old. And it seems he was not done with me as yet. He strongly said; ‘Next time I come here, I don’t want to see you.’

Was I being bullied by a boy and I had willingly allowed myself to be dragged in an emotionally draining exchange? I decided he will not have the last word. Looking into his eyes, I said; ‘Look for me in 10 years, I want to see how life is treating you Mister.’

Because he didn’t understand what I meant, he gave me this puzzled look and covered his face with a black book. I concluded that he had a conscious. Otherwise, he would have gone on with homework without a care of what he had said. I pressed on; ‘I am going to tell your Papa about this.’

Him: ‘You should forget about that. Don’t tell him. Jesus forgave, you should also.’

Did I forget and forgive him? Of course I forgive him and I did him a favor. I told his Papa that he should try to talk to his son to learn the meaning of good verbal  communication and avoid rude remarks. His father asked what I meant.

Me: ‘You should ask your son. Let him tell you his version of the exchange.’

Father: ‘I am going to ask him on the way home.’

As he drove off, I had a feeling he was not going to speak to his son about this. He only said that so that he does not look like a bad parent. I wondered if any parent who came to me and told me my son was misbehaving, would I want to speak to him about it? Or would I choose to ‘love’ my child and protect him from all those who think he is not an angel? How does a parent handle information about their child’s behavior when it comes from other people? Does it mean, you don’t know your child or that you are bad parent? God open our eyes to see who our children are really, especially around strangers. That they might be humble and play fair with all people regardless of their age, race and disabilities. We are one after all.

Don’t let people that don’t matter too much, matter too much.-Wes Moore